Ok, I admit it. Sometimes I feel like a total fake when it comes to my faith. I know all the right things to say and do, but when it comes to the things that matter to God (namely, my heart), am I really any different from the rest of the world? I think I have this tendency to check things off of my list (read the Bible; check, pray; check, go to church; check) and feel like God and I are doing all right. But am I really allowing Him control of my life? Am I letting the Holy Spirit change me from the inside out? Or am I still as prideful and self-righteous as I've always been? Admittedly there have been days that I've thought back on the day and actually had the thought "I don't remember sinning today..." Well, there's one right there, right? Thinking that I haven't done something to offend God? I don't think any of us can get through the day without sinning somehow, as Jesus Christ was the only person ever to live on this planet who was completely sinless.
I am tired of putting on one mask for certain situations and then putting on another for the world. Did you know it is exhausting trying to be someone you're not? I simply can't do it anymore. I am a Child of God, created in His image. He knew me in my mother's womb; knows everything about me. He knows all of my shortcomings and all of the things that make me tick. He knows my passions, good and bad, and He has created me for good works which He has had in mind since long before the world began. He created me for such a time as this, to belong to Christ and His Church. Even on the worst of days, when I feel like I've messed up beyond repair, God loves me and sees me as beautiful. I am the Bride of Christ.
This is not a post, by the way, berating myself for all of my failings as a Christian. Because I do recognize that there is grace; that God is merciful, but also that He is just. And to take advantage of His grace just to continue sinning is wrong. "Well, it's really ok that I just sinned because I'm saved and God has forgiven me." Okay, true, to a certain extent. If I am truly washed in the blood of the Lamb, then all of my sins, past, present and future are forgiven. But if I continue to live in bondage to the same sin, then I nail Christ to the cross all over again. I am essentially spitting in the face of my Savior, who shed His blood for me. But when I let grace enter in and I give everything up to Him, He is the one who changes me. It is not through anything I can do on my own. It is only by His Spirit that I can let go of my selfish ambitions, my pride, my anger, my foolishness, my lusts, my impulsiveness. I am so grateful to belong to a God who is so forgiving that He loves me just as I am, but One who is so just that He refuses to leave me this way!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Beautiful...
Recently I've made a conscious decision to spend less time in front of the tv. For those of you who know me, this is a big step in my life as I waste a lot of time at home just watching tv, doing nothing. If you didn't know that, well, now you do! As a result of this, I've spent a lot more time reading. So much time, in fact, that I just finished my 3rd book. In a month. At this rate, I'll have read every book on my bookshelves by May :-)
The books I've read most recently, however, have spoken to the very depths of my soul. In both, "Captivating" (John and Stasi Eldredge) and "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?" (Angela Thomas) the authors explore the desire every woman has to be seen; to be captivating; to be loved. They write about how, as women, we spend our lives searching for that one person to answer our deepest question: Am I beautiful? But the answer cannot be found in a man. There is One to Whom we can look for the answer. God has been waiting patiently, inviting us to a deep, intimate relationship with Him. In God alone can we find that we are captivating. I love that word, by the way. Captivating. It says so much more to me than the word beautiful, and maybe that's because of how the world as skewed the term. But to be captivating. It goes so much more than skin deep. To put it in the terms Stasi Eldredge uses in "Captivating", a woman who is truly beautiful is at rest with her Lord. She is comfortable with who He made her to be. She has sat at the feet of Jesus and she glows within His presence.
In "Captivating", the authors also write that as women, God has given us a higher calling. We, as well as men, are His image bearers. God has made each one of us in His likeness. Men are to represent God as Warriors. As His strength. Women are to show the tender, intimate, relational side of God. But here is quite possibly one of my favorite passages in this book:
"It is nearing the end of the sixth day, the end of the Creator's great labor, as Adam steps forth, the image of God, the triumph of his work. He alone is pronounced the son of God. Nothing in creation even comes close. Picture Michelangelo's David. He is...magnificent. Truly, masterpiece seems complete. And yet, the Master says that something is not good, not right. Something is missing...and that something is Eve.
And the Lord God cast a deep slumber on the human, and he slept, and He took one of his ribs and closed over the flesh where it had been, and the Lord God built the rib He had taken from the human into a woman and He brought her to the human (Gen 2:21-23)
"She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. Woman. In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master's finishing touch." "Captivating, John and Stasi Eldredge, p. 25)
The Eldredge's go on to say that Eve (women) was God's piece de resistance. The crowning touch of Creation. We have an important role to play in God's story.
In Angela Thomas' book, "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?", she explores our desire to be truly known. To be loved, wholly and completely, unconditionally, no strings attached. In Psalm 45:10-11 it says: Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear;
Forget your people and your father's house.
The king is enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord.
The King is enthralled by your beauty. Yours. And mine. He is captivated, smitten, fascinated, spellbound and delighted by me. Me? It's a concept I'm still trying to wrap my head around. God doesn't just love me, He is in love with me. "God's love for you in passionate and pure and without reservation. He never holds back or plays games with your heart...This kind of love does not stand you up. He always shows up, always remembers, and always keeps His promises. God's love is unrelenting. He does not turn away even if you do...God has seen you across the room, and He cannot take His eyes off you...The love that God has for us is the love your soul was made for. It is an intimate, vulnerable, completing kind of love." (Beautiful, Angela Thomas)
Truly, I have not completely grasped all of these concepts. Intellectually, I know them to be true, but in my heart of hearts I can't honestly say that I believe them to be true for me. But I am getting there. To know that I am truly loved by the Creator of all things, that I matter to the God of the universe, that my miniscule problems are important to Him, that He sees me as beautiful, as captivating; I could rest in that knowledge.
The books I've read most recently, however, have spoken to the very depths of my soul. In both, "Captivating" (John and Stasi Eldredge) and "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?" (Angela Thomas) the authors explore the desire every woman has to be seen; to be captivating; to be loved. They write about how, as women, we spend our lives searching for that one person to answer our deepest question: Am I beautiful? But the answer cannot be found in a man. There is One to Whom we can look for the answer. God has been waiting patiently, inviting us to a deep, intimate relationship with Him. In God alone can we find that we are captivating. I love that word, by the way. Captivating. It says so much more to me than the word beautiful, and maybe that's because of how the world as skewed the term. But to be captivating. It goes so much more than skin deep. To put it in the terms Stasi Eldredge uses in "Captivating", a woman who is truly beautiful is at rest with her Lord. She is comfortable with who He made her to be. She has sat at the feet of Jesus and she glows within His presence.
In "Captivating", the authors also write that as women, God has given us a higher calling. We, as well as men, are His image bearers. God has made each one of us in His likeness. Men are to represent God as Warriors. As His strength. Women are to show the tender, intimate, relational side of God. But here is quite possibly one of my favorite passages in this book:
"It is nearing the end of the sixth day, the end of the Creator's great labor, as Adam steps forth, the image of God, the triumph of his work. He alone is pronounced the son of God. Nothing in creation even comes close. Picture Michelangelo's David. He is...magnificent. Truly, masterpiece seems complete. And yet, the Master says that something is not good, not right. Something is missing...and that something is Eve.
And the Lord God cast a deep slumber on the human, and he slept, and He took one of his ribs and closed over the flesh where it had been, and the Lord God built the rib He had taken from the human into a woman and He brought her to the human (Gen 2:21-23)
"She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. Woman. In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master's finishing touch." "Captivating, John and Stasi Eldredge, p. 25)
The Eldredge's go on to say that Eve (women) was God's piece de resistance. The crowning touch of Creation. We have an important role to play in God's story.
In Angela Thomas' book, "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?", she explores our desire to be truly known. To be loved, wholly and completely, unconditionally, no strings attached. In Psalm 45:10-11 it says: Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear;
Forget your people and your father's house.
The king is enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord.
The King is enthralled by your beauty. Yours. And mine. He is captivated, smitten, fascinated, spellbound and delighted by me. Me? It's a concept I'm still trying to wrap my head around. God doesn't just love me, He is in love with me. "God's love for you in passionate and pure and without reservation. He never holds back or plays games with your heart...This kind of love does not stand you up. He always shows up, always remembers, and always keeps His promises. God's love is unrelenting. He does not turn away even if you do...God has seen you across the room, and He cannot take His eyes off you...The love that God has for us is the love your soul was made for. It is an intimate, vulnerable, completing kind of love." (Beautiful, Angela Thomas)
Truly, I have not completely grasped all of these concepts. Intellectually, I know them to be true, but in my heart of hearts I can't honestly say that I believe them to be true for me. But I am getting there. To know that I am truly loved by the Creator of all things, that I matter to the God of the universe, that my miniscule problems are important to Him, that He sees me as beautiful, as captivating; I could rest in that knowledge.
Monday, January 2, 2012
New Year
It's the almost the end of the 2nd day of a New Year. Why is that capitalized, anyway? What's so special about a new year that we end up giving it proper name status? (I'm not really sure where I'm going with that, btw; just a random thought I had) I do find it interesting; however, that people spend so much time trying to figure out their New Year's Resolutions at the end of the previous year.
"I'm going to eat healthier and lose weight."
"I'm going to quit smoking."
"I'm going to stop swearing."
And the list goes on.
I read an interesting blog post by Mark Driscoll yesterday about why those resolutions never work. Sure, we go strong for a time, but by mid-February we find ourselves back at the McDonald's drive-thru, or buying a new pack of smokes at the gas station, or we hear those words coming out of our mouths we vowed to never say again. But why? We have good intentions, don't we? We know that it's better to eat a well-balanced meal than to scarf down a Big Mac, right? But like all things, it comes down to our intentions.
Why do you want to eat healthier and lose weight? Is it to impress someone? Is it because you hate how you look in that dress but you really want to wear it? Or do you want to live a healthier lifestyle because you want to honor God and treat your body as His temple? The same would apply to any bad habit we've adopted into our physical lifestyle. Why quit smoking? Because you know that you are treating the body with which the Lord had blessed you with contempt? Or because you "should"? Do you decide to stop cussing because you want to be seen as a better person, holier-than-thou? Or because you want to honor the Lord with your mouth; the mouth that He created?
I think we need to stop focusing so much on the "what" and begin to think about the "Who". Who are we doing this for? If I am trying to make these changes for me, I am doomed to fail. My flesh and my sin nature set me up for failure and disappointment. But if I truly want to give God the glory in all things, then the natural order of things is that I will start to live my life in a way that is honoring to Him. It all comes down to this: anything we do in our lives should be out of love for God because He first loved us.
"I'm going to eat healthier and lose weight."
"I'm going to quit smoking."
"I'm going to stop swearing."
And the list goes on.
I read an interesting blog post by Mark Driscoll yesterday about why those resolutions never work. Sure, we go strong for a time, but by mid-February we find ourselves back at the McDonald's drive-thru, or buying a new pack of smokes at the gas station, or we hear those words coming out of our mouths we vowed to never say again. But why? We have good intentions, don't we? We know that it's better to eat a well-balanced meal than to scarf down a Big Mac, right? But like all things, it comes down to our intentions.
Why do you want to eat healthier and lose weight? Is it to impress someone? Is it because you hate how you look in that dress but you really want to wear it? Or do you want to live a healthier lifestyle because you want to honor God and treat your body as His temple? The same would apply to any bad habit we've adopted into our physical lifestyle. Why quit smoking? Because you know that you are treating the body with which the Lord had blessed you with contempt? Or because you "should"? Do you decide to stop cussing because you want to be seen as a better person, holier-than-thou? Or because you want to honor the Lord with your mouth; the mouth that He created?
I think we need to stop focusing so much on the "what" and begin to think about the "Who". Who are we doing this for? If I am trying to make these changes for me, I am doomed to fail. My flesh and my sin nature set me up for failure and disappointment. But if I truly want to give God the glory in all things, then the natural order of things is that I will start to live my life in a way that is honoring to Him. It all comes down to this: anything we do in our lives should be out of love for God because He first loved us.
Do Not Be Conformed
I posted this as a note on my facebook page a while back, just wanted to have it up here on the blog as well...More posts to come!
Romans 12:2 says "Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed, by the renewing of your mind...."
I came to a startling realization this morning. More often than not, I conform to the pattern of this world. Ok, so that realization wasn't what startled me. I've been aware of that for a while. I've just never been able to figure out 1. why, and 2. how to practically be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Obviously God has to do the work, but I've got to be making an effort here too, right? No, what took me by surprised was finally realizing the why behind it.
Growing up, I was not one of the "popular" kids. In fact, I was the kid the popular kids picked on. A lot. I'm not really sure why, I just know they enjoyed victimizing me. (I know you're all really surprised by this; "No! It can't be!" you gasp) I think that as a result of this, I started trying to be the person that I thought they wanted me to be. If only I could be the kind of person that they like, they'll stop teasing me. Thus began my desire, even need, to please people. If I could just figure out what this person wants to hear, or what they like or don't like, I can conform my thoughts and ideas to mesh with theirs and then we'll live in perfect harmony! Gosh, what a sickly sweet idea, huh?
I have spent so much of my life trying to be somebody else just to please someone when the only One I need to please is God. And He loves me exactly as I am. I am free to be just Tiffany and nobody else. I'm still working on getting these truths communicated from my head to my heart, but I consider it a victory that I recognized the lie to begin with! It is my prayer that I would begin to view myself through the Lord's eyes and that because I am good enough for Him just as I am, then I am good enough for me, just as I am.
Romans 12:2 says "Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed, by the renewing of your mind...."
I came to a startling realization this morning. More often than not, I conform to the pattern of this world. Ok, so that realization wasn't what startled me. I've been aware of that for a while. I've just never been able to figure out 1. why, and 2. how to practically be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Obviously God has to do the work, but I've got to be making an effort here too, right? No, what took me by surprised was finally realizing the why behind it.
Growing up, I was not one of the "popular" kids. In fact, I was the kid the popular kids picked on. A lot. I'm not really sure why, I just know they enjoyed victimizing me. (I know you're all really surprised by this; "No! It can't be!" you gasp) I think that as a result of this, I started trying to be the person that I thought they wanted me to be. If only I could be the kind of person that they like, they'll stop teasing me. Thus began my desire, even need, to please people. If I could just figure out what this person wants to hear, or what they like or don't like, I can conform my thoughts and ideas to mesh with theirs and then we'll live in perfect harmony! Gosh, what a sickly sweet idea, huh?
I have spent so much of my life trying to be somebody else just to please someone when the only One I need to please is God. And He loves me exactly as I am. I am free to be just Tiffany and nobody else. I'm still working on getting these truths communicated from my head to my heart, but I consider it a victory that I recognized the lie to begin with! It is my prayer that I would begin to view myself through the Lord's eyes and that because I am good enough for Him just as I am, then I am good enough for me, just as I am.
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