Finding Joy in the Midst of the Pain

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

"Consider it all joy."
Not exactly an easy thing to do. 'My life sucks! Praise God!' Okay, my life doesn't suck. That's a lie. What does suck, though, is all of this crap the church is going through right now. People are leaving right and left, and based on what? The decision of one family to leave our church? There is no doubt in my mind that they prayed over their decision and sought counsel before leaving. This was a decision that was a long time coming. But those who have followed? I honestly wonder how many of them have really prayed over it. I am fully aware that that is between each individual and God and that is none of my business.

It just hurts to see all of these people go. I'm not all that close to all but a few, but the ones I was close to, I feel like my heart is breaking. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, you know? I've seen it happen so many times in the past 10 years. Get close to someone, and they leave. I know it's nothing I've done, and there's nothing I could have done to stop it, but it doesn't change the fact that it tears my heart into a million pieces. How am I supposed to find joy here?

I know that God has a plan and reason for all of this. That's about the only thing I can hold on to right now, because I just can't make sense of any of this. I know that those of us who are left are supposed to keep pressing onward, but it's so hard when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. When does it end? God, haven't you whittled our numbers down enough? How many more will you take?

Yet, I firmly believe that God is going to do a miraculous work though those of us who decide to stick it out. It's going to take time and it may seem impossible from where I sit, but He is God of the impossible. And I'm excited to see what's waiting for us on the other side of all of this.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

1 Peter 1:3-7

What Really Matters

Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day. Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off." Proverbs 23:17-18

I read this during my quiet time this morning and I was really struck by these verses. First of all, "Let not your heart envy sinners". Ok, who else besides me gets caught in that trap all the time? I think it's so easy to look at people who don't know God and who have all of this success and "stuff" and just think, "I wish that could be me." I mean, if every good thing comes from God, then why isn't He blessing me more? But then, as I thought about it more, I realized that when I do that, I'm judging success by the world's standards and I'm not fixing my eyes on eternity. It may seem like they have so much more than me in this life, but everything they have is going to burn in the end. As Christians, what do we have to be envious of when we have the promise of eternal life?

"[But] continue in the fear of the Lord all the day." I'm still working out what it really means to fear the Lord. I know it's not about fearing God like we're scared of the bogeyman, but more of a reverent obedience in response to our love for Him. Again, I'm slowly discovering what this means in terms of my walk and still figuring out how I can do this on a day to day basis.

"Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off." I truly love God's promises to us! No matter what our circumstances, God has given us a future and a hope. As Christians, we have so much more to hope in than the things of this present life! We have the privilege of knowing that our eternal future is secure which is so much more important than having all the fame and riches the world can hold.

Follow Your Dreams....Not Your Heart

There's this quote on the back of my journal and the more I think about it, the more it drives me a little nuts.

"At every crossroad, follow your dream. It is courageous to let your heart lead the way."

I mean, that's a nice thought and everything. It sounds great, right? But the more I've learned about who God is, the more I realize that it's a total crock. I've lived that way for much of my life and all it's done is lead me on a path that's not always God's will for my life. I know that God is ultimately in control and that He will always get me back to where I'm supposed to be, but when I let my heart lead the way I often find myself two steps back rather than one step ahead.

I think the part of the quote that bothers me the most is the second half, that it's "courageous to let your heart lead the way." The heart is a liar. If you're not in line with God's will and you're making decisions based on "it just feels right." That's ultimately how I made the decision to go to Drake 10 years ago, and I will never regret that decision, but there are others that followed that I can see now how my life would have been different if I had sought more counsel and truly been in the will of God. I could spend my whole life dwelling over the "if onlies" though and never move forward. So now, I learn from my mistakes and stupid decisions and instead of "following my heart" when I come to a crossroad, I must approach things more carefully, seeking wisdom from the One who knows the plan for my life.