It's Okay to Cry...

I don't think this will be a long post tonight; I just had a few thoughts come to me and I wanted to jot them down and share them.

Over the course of my life I have learned that to cry is to show weakness. No, let me amend that. To cry in front of other people is to show weakness. It's ok to cry when you're alone, but to do it in the presence of other people is taboo. Growing up, I was the kid everyone picked on. One of the biggest things they would attack was my propensity to be a "cry-baby" (evidently I was just too sensitive as a kid). I was told "just ignore them and they'll leave you alone." But ignoring them = not standing up for myself and then they were just relentless. How long will it take for us to break Tiffany down?

Through those experiences I suppose I learned to just shut down my emotions. Not completely; there are many circumstances in which I have just let loose and not to my (or anyone else's) benefit. I haven't learned to control my emotions; just to suppress them, which leads to outbursts of emotion. As a result of this, I often find it difficult to be sympathetic to other people in their struggles. I don't do it in an effort to be cruel but because I've spent so much time squashing down my own emotions, I have a hard time feeling for other people.

Two events have happened/are happening in my life this year that I believe God is using to bring me out of that. The first is watching and praying as our dear family friend Don watched his wife, Jane, succumb to liver cancer this summer. Even hundreds of miles away I was able to keep tabs on things through their Caring Bridge site and experience the pain that Don felt as his "little bird" flew away to the Father's arms. Seeing the tender, unconditional, love he has for her began to lift the layers off of my hardened heart. Second is watching my cousin Jason, his wife Jaime, and their family go through the process of raising money to adopt Isaac, a little boy from Russia with Down Syndrome. I can't explain it. Something about this precious child has gotten under my skin. I so desire for the Lord to move mountains in order to bring this little boy home! I think knowing what Isaac is going through (knowing in a head knowledge way, not in an intimate "I understand what he's going through" way), has made me appreciate the kids I work with at the daycare more. I know that each one of them is precious in the Lord's sight, but He has made me realize that they are precious in MY sight too.

So thank you, Don and Jane, Jason and Jaime, for being so unwavering in your faith. Thank you for believing the Lord for seemingly impossible things and showing me the power of love and faith.