Respect

This is something I've been thinking about quite a bit recently. What is respect? How do you get it? How do you show it? Is respect something that you earn or something you learn to expect?

Websters Online Dictionary defines respect this way:

v. t.

1.

To take notice of; to regard with special attention; to regard as worthy of special consideration; hence, to care for; to heed.

                                       or

n.

1.

The act of noticing with attention; the giving particular consideration to; hence, care; caution. I've been talking about respect with the kids at work a little bit and the best definition I've been able to give them so they'll understand it is simply listening to each other. Respect is a lot more than that I realize; however, when you boil it down isn't that where respect begins? If I don't listen to someone then I am not taking notice of them, neither am I regarding them with special attention or as someone who worthy of special consideration. Showing respect to someone is essentially telling them that I have placed my wants and needs beneath theirs. In 3 year old terms, if 2 of my kids want the same toy and "Jill" had the toy before "Mikey", then the respectful thing for Mikey to do is to 1. ask politely if he can have a turn and 2. wait patiently until he gets what he wants. Of course, at the age of 3, everything must happen immediately! A 3 year old can only understand instant gratification and so Mikey wants the toy now and will do everything in his power to get it. What amazes me though is how many times in a day I have the following converstation:   "Tiffy, she won't share with me." "Did you use your words and ask nicely?" "No." "Go ask then." As soon as the offended child uses his/her "nice words" (please can I have that when you're done?), the child who has the toy is suddenly very agreeable to the idea of sharing! The method isn't full-proof of course, but the majority of the time, it works quite well. So even at a very young age, we all desire to be treated with respect. We want people to listen to us and to treat us in a way that makes us feel important. So then, how does one get respect? I was always taught growing up that when it came to adults, you were to show respect no matter what. There was no back-talk like you hear from so many children today; you never mouthed off to Mom and Dad because it just wasn't acceptable. There were consequences for those actions. I never questioned it, but I'm sure there are many young people who have asked the question, "why? Why should I respect my elders? They haven't done anything to earn my respect." Exodus 20:12 says “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you." There is blessing from the Lord when we choose to respect and honor our parents. I fully believe this includes our "elders" as well. In the case of people who are older than us, I believe that respect is something that should be given. And just because I don't agree with somebody's views, I can still show them respect by not judging them or their beliefs. Respect does not equal agreement. "A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone." Billy Graham Oh, how true! The kids in my class show me respect by listening to me and doing what I ask them to do. Simple as that. When a child is disrespectful towards me, or any other adult, that is when the hairs on the back of my neck stand up (probably not literally; I've never looked ;-)). But why? Is it because of the way I was raised? I think that, in looking at the behaviors of some of the kids I work with, I see more and more a lack of respect from kids towards their parents and other adults in their lives. Many, not all, parents constantly give in to their kid's demands, especially when the child is being "whiny" or temperamental, just so they will stop and be quiet. What is this teaching them? If I whine and cry, I can get my way? Is that what we want our kids to learn today? How to manipulate people? Because I honestly think that's what we're doing every time we give in to a child's demands. Whatever happened to "please"? Or "thank you"? Respect is quickly becoming a thing of the past and that deeply saddens me. If we are looking at the children of today as the leaders of tomorrow, isn't it our job to teach them how to be respectful so that they grow to be men and women who have strength of character?