Well...it certainly has been a while, hasn't it? I didn't realize how long it had been since I had last posted until I read my last entry and noticed the date. Not that I feel obligated to do this, but I certainly didn't intend to fall so far behind!
I feel that I could cover a lot of ground here, but I'm also tired and don't really feel like writing pages and pages of my innermost thoughts, so I'll just go over some more recent thoughts. The last several weeks, I've just felt a bit off. Kind of down, and not really in the Spirit. I spend some time in the Word every morning, but I often feel like I don't really give God the time that He deserves, and that affects pretty much every area of my life. I'm a lot more irritable and impatient at work and I tend to distance myself from the people I'm closest to. I've found myself getting more annoyed by things that wouldn't normally bother me so much. And then I feel like I'm not being a "good" Christian, whatever that means! I get so caught in this trap that I need to "perform" and "act" a certain way in order for God to love and accept me, when I know that's a lie! All God wants from me is my heart, broken and wretched as it is.
Tonight's Bible study was such a great heart check for me, because I realized that my attitude really has everything to do with pride. I find that I often compare myself to other people and then for whatever reason, I think that I'm somehow better at something than they are and think, "Oh, I could have done _____ so much better" and then I get annoyed at the fact that they didn't do things the way I would have! How conceited can I be?? I'm really not trying to beat myself up over this; I'm human and I'm going to make dumb mistakes. I'm just being honest about the sin in my heart.
But here's the encouraging part: Philippians 2:1-4 says So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
So once I start thinking about others above myself, I turn the spotlight off of Tiffany, my heart begins to change and thus my attitude improves! Not an easy task, I know, but it means that I can choose how to respond to situations. I do not have to feel depressed. I can choose to be humble and I can choose to love someone even when it's difficult. It's really all up to me (and you!), I just need to make the choice. I pray that I will choose in a godly manner!
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